I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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