I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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