I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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