Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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