I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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