I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
