Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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