he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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