All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
