Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You know, be my cock's hype man.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
