hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
