and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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