I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
