i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Two words: blizzard sex
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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