i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
