i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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