I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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