I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize