she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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