She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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