I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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