I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize