You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
