im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
