my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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