So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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