That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
