the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
