when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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