i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
