Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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