well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
