Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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