Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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