you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it was like having sex with a tree stump
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sorry about my life...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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