Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
