Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
