I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can't turn off my feet"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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