it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize