Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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