O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize