Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
