Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
