dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
