You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
