She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
