Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
