Yo dont text me then not text me
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I love having hate sex.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
