you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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