Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
