don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
