You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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