i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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