i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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