sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
