I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know š
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden sheās a ābloggerā?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. Iām a victim of my sexual success
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