I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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