Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
