Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
