I can't watch pbs sober anymore
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
