Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
