My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
