i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
