my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
