Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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