I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
