I'm jealous of your bromance
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
